The Fix

Black Friday is just around the corner, it’s my favorite shopping day of the year. It makes me feel empowered walking down to the register having people eye my cart with contempt. “Yeah I beat you to it”; it’s my competitive side.

Well the hot deal this year is supposed to be a 32” LCD from Target. I like to go to the store to see if I “really” want the T.V. or not. Just because it’s cheap doesn’t mean I should fork over the mullah. Today after going out to eat with my wife I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk inside the Target, it was chilly out and we could do some spending (take another look at the T.V.).

We were in front of the televisions and my wife says “Nick let’s hold out and buy a 52” instead. Most guys would go wow, I mean my wife actually said lets get a bigger television instead of saying get a smaller one or we already have one. There’s nothing wrong with a 52” television except for the part where we never hook them up. No cable, no satellite not even an antenna, nope all we hook up to them is a DVD player and turn it on about 1-2 times a month.

I suppose we’ll see what happens with the television. The best part though was when we were leaving the store. My wife has not had gum since she was pregnant. Something to do with the artificial sugars being bad for a baby while in the womb. She’s a gum addict, and she came running to the counter as I was paying and pretty much knocked over a few people trying to get there before I swiped the debit card.

It was a box of gum and she was excited to be getting gum again. The little Monster was out of his seat though and my wife placed the gum and a pacifier on it. I picked it up to make room so that she could place him on it. After he’s all buckled in and we’re outside she begins looking for the gum. I deny having it, and so she begins to look under the little Monster thinking that she sat him on it. We are out doors its 40 degrees and she’s standing still in the middle of the road looking for gum under our child.

I point out that she’s blocking traffic just standing there, and she proceeds with a slow walk. Never getting her hands from between the little Monster’s butt and the seat. Feeling around looking for the gum. Finally she gives up and just gets in the car. I take the shopping cart to its proper place and pop a piece of gum in my mouth.

Once in the car my wife starts ranting about not having her gum and how much she wants it. A few minutes later she says “I can even smell it, I smell mint I want some gum now”. I cant help it I begin laughing. I give her the box of gum, seeing her eat it; it’s like watching a drug addict get his latest and much needed fix.

My Sons First Pear

The Video says it all.

Monopoly

The Little Monster has taken every seat in the house. He has taken ownership of the jumper, swing set and the papasan. Yes those are all the seats in the house until yesterday. My wife finally got fed up with us not having any furniture. We sold and gave away most of our furniture when we moved from Nebraska to California.

We have been going to lots of furniture store’s that have been overpriced for quality workmanship and to stores that are underpriced with horrible furniture that seems as if it will fall apart after six months or so. Yesterday we went to a new furniture store that is owned by my parent’s neighbors. She took us thru out the store and told us which items to stay away from because they come from China and will not last. Finally we found the perfect balance.

Ouch the price tag was a bit hefty, not out of our range just more then we wanted to spend. Not to worry, she’s my parent’s neighbor and sure enough the hefty price tag vanished and came down drastically. That was the first time I did not have to negotiate a price, she just said this is the lowest point with me making a little profit.

When negotiating prices there has to be a balance between profit and what I’m willing to pay. No one wants to operate a business that loses money just because the product is being sold to a family member, friend or neighbor. The best part was when she said; I’ve already included the taxes into the price.

Now I just have to wait for her to call and say that her truck is ready to roll so that I can have them delivered. I’m not paying for the delivery; I’m using her truck. My wife wants to go back to purchase a bedroom set now.

Now we have seats of our own, until the Little Monster grows and claims those as well.

You know you have it made….

You know you have it made when your wife comes home from work and asks if you would like anything to eat, goes into the kitchen and prepares the only thing she knows how a sandwich.

She does not ask how your day went but instead says honey you look tense let me give you a foot rub. She takes time out of her schedule to appreciate the husband who sleeps in late and takes care of the children.

She takes even more time washing, drying, ironing, folding and putting your cloths away after work. Then asks, “Is this where you wanted your clothes? If not I can move them.”

Yes that’s the life she goes off to work the man stays behind and figures out how to spend the money. Then at the end of the day, after being exhausted from performing the childcare, have you wife come home and pamper you. I love being King of my own household.

Did I mention I moved a washer and dryer up the stairs, moved my wife’s china from 100 yards, and then carried it up stairs. Dealt with a crying toddler, while I ran off to the store to purchase a dryer vent hose, and washer hose. Removed the sliding glass door to install and adjust the washer and dryer. Re-install the sliding glass door, run to crying infant who wants a bottle NOW. Wash all the dishes; take out the trash, re-locate birds. Run back to the little Monster who now wants to be held all day.

I have an appointment to take my written test for California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation. I can’t wait to go back to my stress free environment of working with rapist’s, murderer’s, drug offenders, and the whole underbelly of society. That job is easy compared to being at home all day.

Picnic in the Park

I woke up early Saturday morning, but not early enough to make it to church. Looked over at my wife who seemed, who looked as if she wanted to do something different, something not part of our routine, something spontaneous from before we had our monster. I asked if she wanted to have a picnic in the park instead. Her eyes glazed over and pretty much shouted at me, not a mean shout but a happy YES.

She immediately became half undressed; she’d been half dressed for church, and redressed for a picnic instead. I went into the kitchen to prepare our meal; my wife does not do much of the cooking. I made us some black bean patty sandwiches with spinach, cheese (sharp cheddar), tomato and Caesar salad dressing (we were out of mayonnaise). I cleaned out two water bottles and filled them with mango nectar, and placed them in a little cooler bag. I even placed a few carrots into a snack bag, for us. I took all the food and carefully placed it into our wicker picnic box, that we have only used on one other occasion and that was to the beach, before we moved to Omaha, Ne to become land locked.

I rummaged thru our closet and picked out two blankets, I have misplaced my picnic blanket, which is waterproof. I pulled out our little Monster’s stroller from the closet and switched it out for the one in my car. I then packed everything into the car including my little Devil and his food supply.

We arrive to the park and pick out the perfect spot; I lay out the blankets and prepare for our feast. I took a few pictures of the wildlife in the area. As we are reaching the endpoint to our picnic we hear sirens and screams for help. The sirens get closer and there in the park’s parking lot are four police cruisers. Patrolmen jump out of their cars and run into the park. One of them jumps a fence into one of the homes back yard, two of them are barely able to climb over the fence and fall on the ground as they finally make it over. Others just did not even try, I am feeling confident in the police department at this moment.

We decide to pack and leave. As we are leaving the park my wife and I could 14 police cruisers and 1 police motorcycle. Next time we have a picnic I supposed I’d go armed. My wife wanted something out of our normal routine and that’s exactly what she got.

Am I a villain?

I don’t let my infant son sleep in our bedroom; I’m a believer that my kid needs his own room. As long as my wife can hear him, not me I like to sleep thru the night; I don’t produce milk from my breast so why should I get up?

I was speaking to my sister and my mom about my treatment to my little cuddly monster. As to how my wife and I have him sleep by himself in his own bedroom, and how I don’t let him take a nap while I’m holding him. I place him on our papasan for his naps.

They tried to make me feel as an emotionless father for trying to make my son independent, I don’t want him pulling on my pants or my wife’s for that matter whenever he wants to do something. I don’t want him to be co-dependent on us for little things like nap time, or burst into tears when we are not within his vision.

When my son is old enough and comes crying to me because there is a monster in his closet or under his bed, I’ll take him to the store and buy him a dart gun. Show him how to clear his room for intruders and tuck him into bed. He’ll be able to protect himself from that monster, as long as he does not run out of ammo.

Does that make me emotionless? I say no, it makes a strong, independent child.

Its my Turn

I have often been annoyed with the maid, in regards to the laundry. I’ve lost numerous pens, important notes, checks and the occasional blue tooth headset. I’ve threatened her with employment termination but held back the words “YOUR FIRED”.

Now that I’m the maid I find my self-doing those same things. Not checking the pants and shirts pockets before placing them in the washer. Just tonight, my wife (ex-maid) was helping me pull laundry from the dryer. She found my iphone headset, I just had to shrug it off and ask for a Christmas gift.

I wont get the Christmas gift I asked for, I plugged in the headset and it still worked. It was just uncomfortable and shrunken. Who knew you could shrink a headset? Next time my wife washes laundry along with some other items I’ll be more understanding and say it was my fault for not checking the pockets before leaving my clothes on the floor.

Jack the Ripper

I have been trying to convince my wife to carve pumpkins with me from before we were officially engaged. She grew up not celebrating Halloween because of what it stands for I suppose. I asked her if she had carved a pumpkin before and she said no, so this year she was going to do that whether she wanted to or not.

I had her go out with my little monster and me to the pumpkin patch a few days ago. I had her pick out three pumpkins, each to represent a member of our small family. We went to the store after that and purchased a carving kit and some patterns for $4.99. I wanted to carve them that night, but it was late and it could wait till Saturday.

So finally I managed to have her sit down and carve, and what a marvelous carver she is. She’s a natural “Jack the Ripper”. Made a huge mess, which I suppose she’ll want me to clean up considering that she’s the breadwinner. That’s okay I would have her clean if I were the one bringing home the paycheck.

I placed a flashlight inside the pumpkins and decreased the shutter speed on the camera to about 2.5-5 seconds depending on the pumpkin. I also managed to snap a wonderful picture of my beautiful wife.

Plundering at the Pumpkin Patch

I have not been to a pumpkin patch since before the dawn of time when I was still in grade school, but have always wanted to go back. It would seem a little weird for an adult to go there all by his lone some self and have parents staring at you thinking, "he must be a child molester".

It was last year right before Halloween that my wife had mentioned that she’d never ever celebrated Halloween before. Amazed that a person could go their while childhood life without experiencing the monster and witches in Halloween I sent her out to look for a costume. She purchased a sexy looking pirate outfit and picked one out for me to.

Off to a Halloween party we go, I’m the designated driver yet again. My wife becomes a bit tipsy and after a few hours asks me to take her home and board her ship. Alas 9 months later we have this buckaroo. Now I can go to the pumkin patch.

This year my wife tells me that she has never been to a pumpkin patch; yet again this woman surprises me. I told her to get dressed and to dress our little monster. She thought it would be fun to have him don one of his Halloween costumes. Off we go to pick out three pumpkins.

Wonder what will happen next October.

My Job

My job besides keeping my little monster clean is nothing. My sole purpose is to make sure that the diapers are changed and that feedings happen on time before he grows horns. Sure I do other stuff like cleaning the house but really what that means is making sure that the dishes are not over flowing from the sink. So I replaced them with paper plates, next its paper cups and skillets.

As a guy it’s easier for me not to notice the messy things in life, or in my house. Sure I take out the trash when I hear my wife say, “Nick/Hun can you take the trash out when you get a chance?” As a guy I know she doesn't mean when I get the time but now, and not if I will but that I am going to. When my wife stayed home and I worked, I liked things clean; clean meaning I could find a dish to eat out of and some silverware to use.

Once she was pregnant with our little devil things got harder, I started doing the dishes except for the cups, I have a hard time fitting my hand in them. Then I started to always take out the trash once there were three full bags. Separate the laundry, fold the laundry and take it up stairs and leave it on the bed. I could never figure out how and where my wife stores her clothes.

Then I lost track of the furniture, it had become lost underneath the pile of baby products. It did not help that we were moving during that time. I have not done the packing since being married, just the lifting, moving and driving. Now I did all four so imagine the mess. All was okay though I was working nights and had an hour commute as long as I could find the bed, my keys and a clean uniform nothing bothered me.

Now I stay at home and wow, who would have known that kids could take up so much time for being so small. My wife is great she doesn’t tell me to do things but is just happy when I do. I'm starting to do more now that I’m figuring out a schedule for the little monster.

I see things as being gender specific; men do one thing women do another. I'm slowly breaking down that barrier. I can’t wait to go back to work doing what I never thought I’d like, State Correctional Officer. When I do though this chapter in my life will make me a better spouse and father.

Things to Do

I have often found my self not being able to do anything because Luca, who is 3 months old, gets a little too clingy and cries if I get out of his sight. So much for doing the dishes at that point.

I've just had to place him in his car seat and go out for a drive, he likes the car a lot. When he is being cooperative, I have found my self learning new things.

I have been teaching my self to play the piano and Luca likes to pound away at the keys with me. He gets upset if I don't let him do it.

If I have a little more time while he's taking a nap, I do things around the house. That way my wife doesn't think I just sat around all day in my pj's staring at our child.

To be productive try taking an inventory of every item in your home for insurance purposes. Think of the what-ifs. I have also found ways in which to make money. Being a stay at home dad means I have extra time to come up with ideas and implement ones that have come from greater people than I.

I have incorporated Google's AdSense into my blog which generates a little money. I have made websites for small businesses in the past and I have been brushing up on my abilities to create quality websites so that I can have a portfolio to show potential customers. All this is work that can be done from home. I have also learned how to operate other software that I never had the opportunity, or the time to do in the past. This has enabled me to incorporate new software into my projects and get more money for them.

Being a stay at home dad does not mean having to watch your kid at all times. Take some time out of the day and teach your self something new that can be productive/beneficial to you, or take your current talents and apply them to a home based business.

Everything starts off small and with a few baby steps and time it grows.

Dads are NOT Moms

As a dad I view things differently then does my wife or other moms both current and expecting.

I had a couple of people over (moms) who were astounded that I was using a cloth diaper as a burp rag, because in there minds cloth diapers are diapers. Once they saw how good it worked they said that they would most likely incorporate it into their own lives.

A bulb syringe is used to clean the babies nose, in my world its a tool to blow air into my sons face, which in turn caused him to give a huge smile.

Burp clothes are to clean the child's face, but to me it is yet the most awesome toy to use with my son. It goes into his mouth for his chewing pleasure moved around to make his head shake and makes him to a belly laugh.

The way I hold my child is different then that of how a mom holds him. I hold him with one hand on one side of my body, this allows him to see where we are walking too. I have had a few mothers run up to me yelling "his going to fall" and try to pull him out of my arm because I'm a bad father for holding him that way. As soon and they hold him in the "proper position" he screams and cries.

Yes I'm a dad and I do things differently, that does not mean it's wrong it's just different but at the end it works and my son enjoys it, because it is all a game to him.

Don't be disappointed or frustrated that your wife or other moms get after you for not doing things the way they do. Just admit that your not them, there your children too and your way works for both you and your children.

Guide to being a Stay at home dad (SAHD)

How to be a stay at home Dad?

Being a stay at home Dad can be reward in itself to you and the whole family (kids happy that they don't have to go to day care). Yet we have to know what we are getting into.

Here is a list of what we will need:

Division of Labor

Support Group

Outgoing personality

Sensitivity (Understanding)

Pride

Optional:

Parenting Classes

Step 1:

Make sure your okay with your wife being the bread winner and discuss what is expected of you. Are you expected to do all the house cleaning, cooking and childcare or are you just agreeing to take care of and raise the kids.

Step 2:

Is there a balance between work and staying at home? Ask your employer if you can work part time or from home considering that you are employed. Not employed? Consider working on your resume by taking local college courses in your work field or work towards a higher degree. Not during your child's nap times.

Step 3:

Join a support group to avoid becoming isolated, are we welcomed into the stay at home mom's networks? Look for a stay at home dad's group, I have had a hard time finding one here in the Modesto area but am still looking but have been able to find other types of groups to keep me socialized.

Step 4:

If your kids run to you with all there problems and your wife becomes jealous be understanding about it. Don't use it to encourage her jealousy or tease her about it, I admit that is my number one issue.

Step 5:

If you feel unsure of your parenting abilities take some parenting classes, if you have confidence in your abilities you will have less outbursts of frustration.

Step 6:

Don't worry about other people think, think about you staying at home with your kid's. The work that you are doing is important and doing it well is something to be proud of.